My Punk Heart: Archive

diary I love spending time with Niko and Abdi. Good day at gym. New diet feels great.

Dec 31st

#diary Excited about a new idea for a genderqueer/transmaculine vlog. And sore from my new gym workout.

Dec 30th

Dec 29th

Just made a huge car payment, so painful

Dec 28th

Dec 25th

Dec 24th

Dec 21st

“I need to get laid and if some stud wants to lay the pipe then I would consider...”

– JS

Dec 21st

I would prefer not to.

There is a bruise on the back of my hand. I hardly noticed I had given it to myself at all. It is from rubbing the part of my hand that has gone numb. I lost sensation on Monday, it is now Saturday, my health insurance begins in twenty days. I will likely spend one month of my life unable to feel two fingers on my left hand, if not the entire rest of my life. My dad died three days before taxes...

Dec 19th

“Was ist Transgender-Film?”

– Lesbisch Schwulen Filmtage Hamburg Website

Dec 19th

Dec 17th

Dec 15th

#diary Finished two photo books, a postcard, and the first third of a short animation. Visited Niko + pals in Williamsburg. Tired.

Dec 14th

Dec 12th

Dream No. Twelve Dash Twelve

Around 2am I put on two blankets, two pairs of socks, two comforters, and a space heater. Inside this nest, I thought to myself, “My eyes are closing, that was fast. Better put down this book so that I don’t ruin it.” A second later I woke up and it was 10am.

Dec 12th

Now is the winter.

Dec 11th

Dream No. Twelve Dash Eleven

A world that changes when you view it.

Dec 11th

Watch

Dec 11th

Watch

Dec 11th

Dec 10th

Dream No. Twelve Dash Ten

My stomach was made of heavy chains that were constricting my movement.

Dec 10th

Side note

Also woke listening to Ra Ra Riot singing — If you were here winter wouldn’t pass quite so-o slow. And if you were hear, then I would have a choice to live, not be alone — inside my head.

Dec 9th

Dream No. Twelve Dash Nine

Awoke dreaming about work. My body was a rigid cylindrical tube with too much liquid inside. A hose with a trap was pumping in more liquid. The pressure was a crushing, disabling pain. But on the outside the cylinder stood at my spot at work, inert, passive, fat, boring, quiet, technical, so machine like people assumed it had no feelings. No desires. Even the cylinder felt this way.

Dec 9th